that awkward moment...

That awkward moment when you finally pluck up the courage to add your crush on Facebook... And he unfriends you two hours later. Facebook fail.

I want to get this drunk

You know when you just want to get really, really drunk?

I want to get this drunk...

Me squishing the birthday girl and her sister

I haven't properly partied for so long, on account of being properly skint, that I'm up for a full on blow out this weekend. A full on blow out these days consists of a few bottles of wine and a dance somewhere in the Northern Quarter (how I've tamed from my uni days!) and I could not be more excited.

Bring on the weekend!!! Who else is excited?

You give love a bad name

So Katie Price has got married again, to a rather scrummy looking stripper. Usually months, even years, of planning go into a wedding, but not for our Katie. To be fair to her, she'd only known the guy for a few weeks so she didn't have the time to plan the (third) most special day of her life, she probably had a few plans put in place from her last engagement to that Leonardo guy that got called off a few weeks before she met hubby number three, so that must have been a timesaver.

Anyone that cares about the wedding (probably not many people by now) will  be wondering how long this farce will last for. It has already outlasted Britney's infamous 55 hour Vegas wedding to her childhood sweetheart, but time will only tell if it has the longevity of Kim Kardashian's 72 day marriage.

The worry is though, how is this affecting her daughter? Princess Tiamii is not only lumbered with a truly ridiculous name, but she also has one of the worst role mothers possible for a mother. I'm not saying Jordan doesn't love her children, but lets have a look back at some of her 'best bits'

• She made a name for herself as a glamour model, routinely getting them out for lads mags and the tabloids, so her daughter will grow up thinking it's fine, even normal, to expose yourself for a sum and it's a good thing to be objectified by men.
• She has changed her body to please men. She has had numerous breast operations, enlargements, reductions, uplifts etc and then gone on to brag/ cry about them in any magazine that still bothers to pay her for this dross. This could leave Princess with low self esteem, body dysphmorphia and thinking that surgery is as normal as getting a hair cut.
• She is well known for getting in public slanging matches - particularly with fellow glamour model Jodie Marsh. This will teach little Princess that it's alright to be a bitch and a bully if it gets you attention and it's perfectly fine to disrespect and slag off women - forget the sisterhood, why share the limelight? And what started their long running argument in the first place? They were arguing over what was better - natural or fake breasts. 'Mine will never sag, men love them, blah blah'. Good for you Jordan - doing so much for the cause there.
• Her very, very short lived relationships. There are only so many 'new daddies' you can have before you start thinking they come free with a happy meal. She is imprinting on her young, impressionable children that there is no sancaty in marriage, that vows are worthless and commitment doesn't have to last longer than it takes for a kettle to boil. Even worse but her children run the risk of being deeply emotionally scarred and have abandonment and trust issues. How many of their 'daddies' do you think they see now? Alex Reid is certinatley out of the picture. He was there during the childrens formative years and they probably grew very attached to him, got used to him in their life (or her, depending on his wardrobe choices of the day). It's highly doubtful he'll still be in contact with the children. Not to worry though as they weren't missing a step daddy for long - bring in Leonadro Penna! This Argentinian fittie was on the scene a few weeks after Alex was booted out. He could have been drafted in for educational reasons, perhaps Katie had high linguistic hopes for her children, as the poor chap barely spoke any English. Katie probably sat the kids down when they got engaged, explaining that they were getting married, she loved  him and they'd be together forever. Forever in Katie's world  isn't forever forever though, as her kids will have learnt. It's time to save ta ta to poor Leo and bring in the stripper. After the predictable Twitter PDA's, Katie went a step to far and married the guy. With her track record I'm not expecting them to be eating Easter Eggs together.

It really is sad that these children have been subjected to so much during their formative years, from the vitrol spouted from her mother about men she, and the children, previously loved, including their father Peter Andre, to the constant succession of new daddies in their life.

If they ever do want to reminise about them though, all they have to do is watch the back catalog of Pricey's reality shows, basically glammed up/ dumbed down home videos shown on national television, featuring step daddies, past and present.

Let it snow (please)

I was so excited yesterday when it started to snow, it looked like a proper blizzard outside (I took it photo, you couldn't really see anything). But  it didn't stick! I was gutted, now it's just bloody freezing and there's isn't even snow to play in, boooo.

Here's a few things I would do if there was snow to play with:

• Go sledging in Heaton Park
• Have a snow ball fight, until my hands got cold and I went to sit inside
• Make a snowman, until my hands got cold and I went to sit inside
• Make an igloo, until my hands got cold and I went to sit inside

I think I'd have a reallly, really fun half hour in the snow, until my hands got cold and I went to sit inside.

The snow at Albert Square.

News in brief

So I had a meeting with my recruitment consultant today and my word is he a looker. I was trying to concentrate on saying why I'd be sooooo good at the jobs he'd shown me briefs for, but all I could think about was his briefs. He had a certain twinkle in his eye that's for sure but he was really charismatic and whenever he winked at me, I wanted to drop my briefs.
The problem is, he was so fit I really couldn't interview properly, everytime I had to describe myself as results driven, up for a challenge and money motivated I felt like the biggest tit ever and whenever he complimented my work ethic, I blushed brighter than the sun. So awkward!

 

Really inappropriate briefs

The Hangover Part 4

I'm trying to decide what the worst part of my hangover was, I've narrowed it down to several options:
A) Waking up in Sale
B) Waking up next to a pastry chef
C) Getting on an absolutely rammed tram full of football fans on their way to Old Trafford and breathing on me
D) An old lady giving me the evil eye and saying 'you're right to look ashamed of yourself'

She was right, I am ashamed of myself. And I feel crap.

Oh well, back in the onesie.

Little white lies

So I was having a little chat with my recruitment consultant today and he asked how I'd describe myself. I had a little panic, because all I do is go to the pub and I don't think that's a hobby or a personality trait. So I said sporty, not a complete lie as I occasionally go to the gym. Anyway, he asked what sport I play, so I said Hockey, as I was in the Ladies Hockey Team as a fresher. Thinking that would be the end of it, I relaxed slightly, ready to continue bullshitting about how great I am. That was not the end of it. Apparently this lovely chap used to be the captain of a hockey team which represented the North West and the captain of his university Hockey team. Why couldn't I say hopscotch! So he starts asking me questions about hockey tactics and positions, which I couldn't answer as I only joined the hockey team to go on socials.
It took a lot to steer the conversation away from hockey and I'm really hoping he wasn't left with the resounding thought that I'm a complete idiot.

I'm so not good at little white lies.